I spent the afternoon at a baby shower for the producers (and editors and camera crew and director and assistant) of the show, and my heart was just so full at the thought of these two wonderful people, Matt and Sarah – one of those cool, creative, fun and constantly involved-in-everything-awesome married couples – bringing a baby girl into the world.
(Also producers of the show Lehigh Valley Mirror!)
Now it’s a few hours before the the pilot show airs for the first time, and my stomach has been in knots all day.
I can’t stop thinking about how this happened… how I got here, wherever “here” is anyway. Two and a half years ago, in the darkest time of my life, when I felt I had hurt people too much, done nothing but created a mess that could never be undone, felt like my existence in the world was causing more harm than good, and what was the point…
… something in my guts said, “Jaime. You are going to do something important. Please hang on. You’ll figure it out eventually. You will.”
I still don’t claim to have figured it out. Those closest to me know the amount of time I still spend trying to figure it out (bless their hearts), the worry and anxiety and fear that creeps in while trying to find a purpose and learning and getting better and wanting everything to be good for everybody.
When I think of the people who have helped put this show together, I am beyond humbled. They could spend their time and energy on anything else — countless hours of editing, texts at 1am asking about graphics layouts, the first episode surviving amidst a production computer that totally crashed and died, hauling equipment around, setting up lighting, takes and retakes, finding the right music, money spent on software and groceries, etc…
To you all, thank you for believing in me enough to devote your skills, energy and friendship. Matt and Sarah; and Christian: you are the greatest bunch of people a girl could work with. If a day ever came when money was no object, I would see to it you are taken care of for the rest of your lives. This is just as much your show as it is mine. I love you and “thank you times infinity” is still not enough.
This is only the beginning!
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Last year I went to a discussion panel on creativity at Lehigh University. A student in the audience raised his hand and said, “I want to make movies, but Lehigh doesn’t offer video production, so for now I’m majoring in English and I’ll study film when I get to grad school. What English classes should I take?”
As one person on the panel began to answer him, he was interrupted by another professor who stood up so assured and said (I’m paraphrasing):
“We live in a time when you don’t need permission from anyone.
You don’t need to wait til grad school. If you want to make movies, get a camera – buy one, rent one, borrow one – and make a movie. You’re in school during the week? Do it on weekends. You can’t get it done by yourself? Meet people who share your passion and help each other. You do not need to wait. You don’t need a class. You don’t need four years of school and to graduate: those are excuses.
If my five year old son and his friends can grab our digital camera, turn it to the movie setting, make a video of them playing Cops and Robbers, upload it to Youtube and get a few thousand hits, all in one afternoon, YOU CAN MAKE A MOVIE.
Now go and make one.”
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I do hope you’ll enjoy the first episode of Save the Kales! Surely, there is still a lot to learn and I’m so excited to see how we’ll all learn and get better as time goes on. A lot of work and love went into this project, and seeing it in a tangible form… Wow. Now that I have this out of my system, I’m speechless.