This article came to me by way of Lavanya, a lovely lady who is also dating the fella’ that gives my boyfriend the best haircuts. I’m so glad she dug this up because it’s something I think many of us can relate to (sadly). Sometimes we need to see something out of the context of ourselves to rewire our own thoughts and actions.
Have you ever disliked a girl for no actual fault of hers? Perhaps you didn’t even actually know her. Or know much about her. But you’ve concocted an idea in your head of why she is hate-worthy in order to boost your own confidence or self-esteem. Looking for validation – asking mutual friends about her, stalking her online (what’s up, facebook?), drawing conclusions about her as a person based on her looks or interests or gossip?
Have you ever been the victim of girl-hate? Have you ever gone about your life without any direct connection to someone only to find she has talked down on you, rallied friends and family to do the same, all because something about you threatens her and emphasizes her insecurities?
Most of us can agree we’ve been on both sides. And all it’s done is wasted our time that could have been spent shining our own lights and living our own dreams. Ironically, it seems that this happens most between two people who, upon getting a chance to actually know one another, would get along and perhaps flourish a friendship.
This is an article on a website meant to empower teenage girls, but damn, we can all take a lesson.
“…it’s hating someone because we’re told that, as girls, we should hate other girls who are as awesome as or more awesome than ourselves.”
“You probably feel a little threatened by her because you two are so similar, but you’re afraid she’s an even better version of you.”
“Look: confidence is not a crime. It does not mean a girl is a bitch or a slut, or thinks she’s better than you. It just means that she likes herself. And personally, I don’t wanna live in a world where any girl with healthy self-esteem is labeled a whore…”
“Sometimes we can convince ourselves that pointing out flaws in others makes us feel good, but ultimately, those moments of pleasure are fleeting. In the long run, they get you in the habit of looking for flaws in everyone, including yourself.”
“Hating people is stressful. Negativity is tiring. Causing drama is dumb.”
…. and to wrap it all up:
“Here’s the thing—the horribly, eye-rollingly cheesy thing: no one can be a better version of yourself than you. And becoming the best possible example of your you-ness does not include focusing on how much you dislike another person.”