It is with humility and honesty that I write this post. You may have noticed my absence from writing and updating as much as usual. I have been not only busy with work and projects, but emotionally the past month has taken a toll on me and I’ve found myself not wanting to think about anything (even cooking!) when I have free time.
Numerous situations I will not write about (on a public forum) have left me feeling helpless, defeated, belittled and occasionally targeted. If you know me or read this blog, you know I’m a positive person and do all I can to find a lesson or good in something that can be disheartening. However, when those things begin to pile up one after another, it can really take it’s toll. It’s left me exhausted physically and emotionally. I love getting dressed up, but my brain is in sweatpants and can’t get off the couch, so to speak.
Recently, my friend and fellow blogger Andrew (and one of the first people to be SUPER supportive of this project) wrote to me to say that some of my personal posts have inspired him to write about his own reasons (click link) for not updating his site as much due to mental illness. That truly means a lot that I have helped my friend tackle those problems in such a public way. It takes bravery.
I remember before I published one of the first personal posts I ever made on here (not a recipe or general info, but about what I’ve been trying to learn in life), I was so worried it would sound weird and make me look foolish, I called several people to ask if it was a good idea, or I’d just be setting myself up for ridicule and eye-rolling.
I’m happy to say that it’s the personal posts that have meant the most to me, and thankfully helped others like Andrew. When we find a public outlet for expression, it’s incredibly theraputic.
I make those posts as much for myself as I do for those of you who read them.
I’m not ready to delve into everything that I’ve experienced in the past year… perhaps in a few months. But this post is to remind you of two things:
1) When you are honest with yourself and other people, when you open up to them, you find an outpouring of support and love that you may not have imagined. You resolve potential conflict. You take all the problems you made up in your head and squash them. It’s incredibly peaceful. And you may get the added bonus of helping someone else.
2) Friends and human relationships are so very important. I want to formally thank everyone that has extended kindness to me, especially in the past few weeks. You have offered me rides when I had no car, you have let me cry and offered calm kindness, you have reminded me that the people who always find fault with you and thrive on negativity are the people I should spend the least amount of thought and energy on.
Some of you (as if by unexplained intuition) have gone out of your way at random to say such supportive and lovely things, to remind me that what I’m doing matters in a positive way, that I am appreciated and respected and I have made a difference to you and others. Thank you. So much. When I’ve had a particularly bad day, I have reread your letters and texts, replayed your phonecalls, and reflected on those conversations.
(Before anyone asks, everything regarding my friends, family and relationship are going beautifully. These are in fact the things that make me the happiest. No worries there.)
After my Christmas/Housewarming party over the weekend (photos soon to come!), I saw that a friend posted a comment on facebook upon getting home from the festivities: “Faith in humanity restored”.
Last week, the night my friend before a friend moved out of town, we talked about how we had become very close in a short period of time, and I said I was so thankful to have known her even with our sometimes different opinions on politics, social issues, religion, etc. It’s a reminder that our differences can help us grow instead of divide. She explained that her philosophy is that NONE OF US HAVE IT ALL RIGHT, none of us have all the answers or completely understand the big picture. But we all have pieces. And when we come together in friendship, we put all those pieces together and get a clearer image.
I can’t believe how many wonderful friends have come into my life in such a relatively short period of time. There was a moment when I looked around my house, saw it filled to capacity with people laughing and hugging and dancing and smiling, and my heart swelled. You are my friends and my family. And you mean so very much. Thank you for being a part of my life, and for bringing positivity and love when I need it most.