Twenty Seven on Twenty Eight.

“There are years that ask questions and years that answer.” – Zora Neale Hurston

Perhaps we’re all guilty of making assumptions of people based on age. Sometimes it pains me to be grouped in with “twentysomethings” when they act in ways that I find obnoxious or embarassing. Maybe I give too much credit to older adults, assuming they have it all figured out, when more and each day they assure me they don’t.

I know that some of my life experiences thus far aren’t often had until someone is older – the death of a parent, owning a home, having multiple educational degrees and credits, having been through breakups akin to many divorces, not to mention the stark constrast of the states of my health in the past year. (Hospitals began to feel like hotel rooms. “Hey, glad you’re back, stay a while!”)

Last night I took a long, long bath and spent a lot of time thinking about Life and What am I doing with myself? and What is anyone doing with themselves? My legs made the water to slosh every time I shifted to get comfortable. Pierogi hung on the side of the old white tub, sticking his head close to the water, trying to drink but just missing. I looked up at the almost-empty bottles of shampoo, the newly replaced razors sitting in the shower caddy hugging the neck of the faucet like a child greeting a father home from war.

I spent all day and night looking around the house for tangible proof of my existence of the past twenty seven years. Meaningful art on the walls. Books that helped to shape my opinions and knowledge. A dress collection – some I’ve had since high school – a testament to my desire to make most things a little more special. My favorite CD, cat toys, a half-drunk glass of wine, the electric bill.
What are we made of? It’s certainly not our stuff. And I’m not sure it’s a culmination of our pasts mixed with our intentions for the future, either.  Or maybe all of the above?
I’m going into this continuing to seek answers, to be humble enough to say I sure as heck don’t know everything, teach me! To find the endless beauty and uplifting power of admitting mistakes, and forgiveness. To keep saying yes to every opportunity and constantly create new ones.
I’d be lying if I said I have absolutely no regrets – but that’s not to say I haven’t found value and lessons in taking responsibility for myself. The moment you make the deep connection that you are responsible for everything in your life (and get past the severe loneliness and blamelessness that brings), you can relax into yourself knowing that You Will Be Great because you have the ability – all of the ability – to make yourself that way.
Happy Re-Birth Day.
Your newly 27 year old friend,
Jaime K
(Lettuce Celebrate Card, $4.95 from Pup and Pony)
(Happiness Print, $15.00 from Valentina Designs)

4 thoughts on “Twenty Seven on Twenty Eight.

  1. I like the way you think, Jaime! 🙂 Again, Happy Birthday – hope your day was fantastic. And I’m glad to hear you’ve come out of the other side of some tough times feeling more hopeful and happy than ever. You touched on such an important thing in this entry: the fact that we can admit to ourselves (after so much time spent grasping for control and identity in our young lives) that we DON’T know everything. In fact, we’re SO far from knowing a lot. But, we have the ability to absorb knowledge and wake up every day with the opportunity to be taught so much by life. That’s exciting. The fact that we’ll never stop learning is even more exciting.

    I hope this coming year for you brings even more joy and success.

    • I think about how some years were so stagnant for me. And I guess that happens. We get comfortable, we don’t feel like changing, we desire change but have no idea how to start, etc etc… I feel like I spent years talking about how badly I wanted to DO things, but whining about how I wasn’t served opportunities on silver platters.

      The only way to do things is so actually DO them. Parts of this year have truly been the most difficult and heartbreaking, guilt-ridden and infuriating, but I feel like if I can come through all of that and have so much to show for it, so much going on (I am PROUD of myself now, and am sooo much more confident in all ways), I can make it through anything.

      And it wasn’t easy. Many lessons came very hard, or at a cost. But that makes them all the more meaningful.🙂

  2. I’m so proud of you…all you’ve been through; all you attempt; all you accomplish; all you don’t, you still try. Life is for living, enjoying, experimenting, trying, doing. That’s what you’re living. That’s your life. Keep going…Never stop!
    I love you more than anything…and could never be more proud to say it!

    Happy entrance to your 28th year!
    Love you,
    mom
    xoxo

    • I’m a complete and total teary-eyed blob. And endlessly, eternally grateful to have a mother that has ALWAYS supported me, even if you didn’t agree with me or like it. You are the best gift of all. Love you Mom!

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