Settle Down.

A funny thing is happening. Large, vast amounts of hours of my time that I used to spend watching makeup videos on Youtube and reruns of Top Chef are now spent, you know, living and working at goals I have set and projects I believe in. The life I always wanted to have is falling into place every day, but with several jobs, school, and new projects that seem to happen every week, time for doing nothing is very rare.

And if it does, I find myself feeling remorseful and guilty. When did taking a break begin to feel wrong?

“Sometimes the most urgent thing you can possibly do is take a rest.”

Today I think I got to the root of the issue – I have been working so hard (safe to say, harder than I ever have in my life, on anything) to foster and create these new endeavors and relationships, and I worry if I stall or hold back even a little bit, it will disappear.

Constantly working at things has let me see the results that hard work brings – a better paycheck, a new and vibrant social life, events and projects to plan and carry out, and becoming someone with a reputation for diving into what I’m passionate about.

I get up every day and put in about 12-13 hours on average. I “deserve” the good stuff. If I sit and watch a movie or read a leisure book, I now feel undeserving. As if the universe will just turn into a vacuum and suck up everything I’ve worked at over the duration of one lazy afternoon.

The end of last week it hit all hit me, and I went into hibernation. New projects are so exciting, but trying to balance all of them and still do a good job is proving to be harder than I thought.

While hiding away from your responsibilities is not right, but it is important to be able to take a rest. (And don’t confuse “rest” with laziness – it’s not!)  Rest is a time for rejuvination, so the things we love can besome less overwhelming and more exciting and enjoyable. Especially when it becomes Monday again and then you feel as I do now – HELLO, NEW DAY! HELLO, FRESH START!

Now get to work! And recipes are coming soon, I promise.

PS – I saw The Kids Are All Right and it broke my heart. I want a family of my own.

(*Rest pillow by Sew English, $45, via Etsy)


6 thoughts on “Settle Down.

  1. The Kids Are All Right has been on my movie list for a long time!

    Cheers to you for figuring out that “rest” nonsense. I haven’t quite determined how to do it without procrastinating on everything. My sister just got married, and the week off from work I had was more work and stress than I ever thought it would be.

    All I want is to finish that book I started five months ago. ALL I WANT.

    • I still haven’t exactly figured it out completely, but sometimes I’ll not turn on my computer for stretches of time and that’s nice. But then I get anxiety when I think about turning it back on. Sheesh! I think we may have to think of rest like we think of eating a huge piece of cake… we can sit and whine and feel guilty and say “I shouldn’t have this!”, or just like, totally dig in and make no apologies and ENJOY EVERY SECOND.

      What book! I love books!

  2. Ms. Jaime K
    I feel a kinship with this post. I often feel as though if I’m not “doing something” I am wasting time. And of course, I generally feel that words like “amazing”, “spectacular”, “brilliant”, “joyful”, etc. to be inherent to my definition of “doing something”.

  3. I go through periods of feeling guilty about not being productive enough. It especially crops up when I feel like I’ve been dedicating myself to volunteer endeavors instead of making money. Both are of equal value but we still need $ to live. Most of the time I think I beat myself up too much!

    • It’s very tricky to find a balance. But am finding more and more that if you are able to keep with the things you love, the money will eventually follow. I don’t know how but it does.

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