A funny thing is happening. Large, vast amounts of hours of my time that I used to spend watching makeup videos on Youtube and reruns of Top Chef are now spent, you know, living and working at goals I have set and projects I believe in. The life I always wanted to have is falling into place every day, but with several jobs, school, and new projects that seem to happen every week, time for doing nothing is very rare.
And if it does, I find myself feeling remorseful and guilty. When did taking a break begin to feel wrong?
“Sometimes the most urgent thing you can possibly do is take a rest.”
Today I think I got to the root of the issue – I have been working so hard (safe to say, harder than I ever have in my life, on anything) to foster and create these new endeavors and relationships, and I worry if I stall or hold back even a little bit, it will disappear.
Constantly working at things has let me see the results that hard work brings – a better paycheck, a new and vibrant social life, events and projects to plan and carry out, and becoming someone with a reputation for diving into what I’m passionate about.
I get up every day and put in about 12-13 hours on average. I “deserve” the good stuff. If I sit and watch a movie or read a leisure book, I now feel undeserving. As if the universe will just turn into a vacuum and suck up everything I’ve worked at over the duration of one lazy afternoon.
The end of last week it hit all hit me, and I went into hibernation. New projects are so exciting, but trying to balance all of them and still do a good job is proving to be harder than I thought.
While hiding away from your responsibilities is not right, but it is important to be able to take a rest. (And don’t confuse “rest” with laziness – it’s not!) Rest is a time for rejuvination, so the things we love can besome less overwhelming and more exciting and enjoyable. Especially when it becomes Monday again and then you feel as I do now – HELLO, NEW DAY! HELLO, FRESH START!
Now get to work! And recipes are coming soon, I promise.
PS – I saw The Kids Are All Right and it broke my heart. I want a family of my own.
(*Rest pillow by Sew English, $45, via Etsy)